Why victims feel the need to protect themselves
Article after Article victims are killed right after seeking protection:
Article after Article victims are killed right after seeking protection:
NICOLE BEVERLY
I first met Nicole Beverly in 2014 at a retreat for survivors of domestic violence. I was immediately taken back by her physical beauty. Her smile was infectious, her teeth beautifully white and perfectly straight, her blonde hair was long and perfect and her ivory skin was flawless, adorned with just the right amount of make-up. She didn’t look like your typical woman who would have ever been in a bad relationship, but like the other 20 women and I, we were about to find out just how connected we all really were. Nicole had been in an abusive marriage for years and found the courage to leave her husband in 2010. Her story of abuse was different mine but our yet eerily similar and intertwined like the complicated nature of a boy scout knot, splinters coming out in different directions yet still perfectly twisted with horrific similarities. Nicole’s ex-husband was physically and emotionally abusive during their marriage. He once held a gun to her head while reciting all the reasons he should kill her. The next morning she was forced to apologize to him for “almost making him kill her.” She knew if she told anyone about the abuse or if she attempted to leave him, he would make due on all his promised to take her from her kids. She knew he would not stop at anything until he found her, hunting her down like a dog and make her suffer for even attempting to have a life without him. He has told her he would slit her throat, disfigure her, paralyze her and kill her. That she would never live to see her children grow up. When Nicole left her marriage, she faced years of financial abuse, physical threats and stalking. After months of court battles, he was sentenced to five years in prison for aggravated stalking. She was able to put her life back together without having to look over her shoulder everywhere she went. While he was incarcerated, four inmates from three prisons came forward and told authorities he tried to hire them to kill her and his sons. Two other inmates even wrote letters stating that he often talks about how he will murder her and their children upon his release. He was scheduled to be released in August of 2017. Nicole was confident the most recent investigation would lead to new charges and she and her family would remain safe but unfortunately the county prosecutor said they did not have enough evidence and inmates are not credible witnesses. Nicole was devastated. Her oldest son had just received a scholarship to play football out of state so he would not be around to help keep them safe. She youngest son was still in high school and she knew now she needed to protect them both. Her ex has made it very clear that he intends to kill her once he is released from prison. She would not be able to live a normal life, she would have to go into hiding and leave her job, pull her child from school and conceal her identity in many ways. But what kind of life would that be ? Would carrying a weapon be wise in this situation so she can protect herself, clearly she has someone who wants to see her dead. So many questions surrounded her next decisions and what they were going to do next. She held a safety planning meeting with police, the SWAT team mapped her home, she was flagged"high risk" for when she calls 911 so dispatch would immediately know there is extreme danger at her home. She provided dental records and fingerprints for her and her children should anything happen to them. Nicole knew that no matter how prepared they were, she and her children would not be safe staying in her current home or even anywhere near the community her ex is familiar with. Nicole requested assistance from the Attorney General, the parole board, Department of Corrections, prosecutor's, detectives, local and national domestic violence agencies, and anyone and everyone who would listen. She decided she had to relocate to another state. Her community helped her raise over $40,000 to help move her and her son out of Michigan. She had given so much of herself back to the community with her advocate work and by sharing her story and teaching others about the dangers of abuse, it wasn’t hard for others to want to support her. In June of 2017, she moved her oldest son to college, then moved herself and her youngest son to another state. By this time Nicole had also purchased a weapon and went through concealed carry classes and the proper training necessary to obtain her permit. Something she says she is grateful to have had the time to do. In general however, Nicole says gun ownership can also be dangerous. In July 2017 the Michigan Attorney General had received enough pressure they finally filed multiple felony charges against Nicole’s ex, Kevin Beverly for threatening to kill her and their children. If convicted of the charges filed her ex could spend the rest of his life behind bars. I think we all cried. We all could feel the extreme release of fear, anxiety and PTSD Nicole let go of on that day. While the outcome was yet to be discovered, she knew someone had finally listened. In October of 2017, Nicole traveled back to the county where her ex-husband was incarcerated. She took the stand bravely, with the rest support from all around the country, to testify. She had not seen her ex since he went to prison five years prior. Nicole spoke bravely about all the times she knew she almost died, her long journey out of her abusive marriage only to be tormented by a man who refused to let go. Someone so disturbed that he was willing to have his own children killed just to seek revenge. The judge ruled that there was enough evidence for him to stand trial against the new charges, including witness intimidation and extortion.The decision meant Kevin Beverly would now face a trial and will not be getting out of prison anytime soon. A huge victory for Nicole and a relief for all of us terrified for our friend. Footnote: I shared this profile because there are so many people out there who fear for their lives. Normally, the abuser is out on bail and waiting for court hearings, in this process, who is there to physically protect them ? The issue brought before Utah’s legislature in 2017 indicated that a woman who was a victim of stalking such as this case, and whose ex-husband had absconded probation officers and was on the run, had to break the law to carry a weapon in her purse while attending public functions for her children. She had purchased a gun legally but in order to not have to open carry around people who are not comfortable seeing a gun, she had to apply for a concealed weapons permit. Her argument was there often isn’t time for a victim to wait the 60 days to get their permit. In Nicole’s case, she had to deal with this for several years before he was finally charged. Her protection.. Her gun. The laws are similar in Michigan but across the country, both Utah and Michigan alike, they are trying to find ways to allow others to protect themselves and make those who are anti-gun happy. I also know someone who fits the profile of someone who should not have a gun without the proper training. She went to the state capitol to work on the bill because she wanted to conceal her weapon while she waited for her permit. She has PTSD, anxiety and is still reeling in the trauma of her abuse. She has not healed, she had not received enough therapy and she wanted to have a gun in her purse without a background check or proper training. While her profile would have been a better fit for this assignment, I refuse to give her a platform of any kind. I can only summarize her story, but I will not interview her. I do not agree with her kind of advocacy and her mentality is harmful to victims and survivors. SO I may use her story to show the other angle, but I will use Nicole’s story for the main point of why women feel the need to protect themselves with weapons. |
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